I am a unemployed welfare mother of 3 children… I am writing to you about my daughter….
She is 9 yrs old and we have done everything possible to try to help my daughter…she lies, steals, cheats, and in general does everything to make sure that everyone around her is distracted and or hurt. She is also failing school. I had her tested by Dr. T in XXXX *(edited by Dr Joshua)* and he said that she has a learning disorder, and that she is considered to be a genius in street smarts but school wise she is dumb. She doesn’t take any meds for anything at all right now. She has been this way since Oct. 2002 when we left my husband because of abuse and it seems that she is getting worse by the day. We have tried everything to make her stop including having her handcuffed for stealing 300.00 which to this day she denies even though I saw the money fall from her shorts. She doesn’t seem to care about anything at all unless it lets her have fun or she gets to do what ever she wants.
One day while my mother was at work a person came in with her daughter and they got on a conversation about her daughter which is so much like my daughter…the lady called her daughters disease “nurosistosistasism” or “narcosistisistasism”…..I don’t remember which it was for sure; but she said it was a rare brain disorder and that if my daughter has it that she will get worse and there will be nothing we can do to stop her. I am writing to you because I think that my daughter may be that and I am wondering how to deal with her and whom to contact to get help with dealing with her. I am at a point right now where I feel like I should just give her up…I really have tried everything to stop her from being this way including church. My mother is at the point where she told me today that is my daughter gets into trouble for anything else at all that my daughter will be kicked out—I told her that if that happens then me and my other children leave too–she said fine. EVEN MY OTHER CHILDREN ARE BEGINNING TO HATE HER–I really need your help dealing with my daughter–please write back to me ASAP.
I love my daughter but I don’t know what else to do–Please help me figure out what is wrong with her and how to make her stop doing what she is doing before I loose everything I love.

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Dr. Joshua’s Answer:

Thank you for your question. First, I must stress that generally I cannot offer more help than a doctor you have seen, especially if that doctor is a specialist in the relevant field, and also because seeing a doctor is always a lot better than e-mailing a doctor. Please contact Dr. T again.?

Having said that, it seems to me that your child may be suffering from something other than just difficulties in learning. Judging by your e-mail, I take it that the situation is serious. The behavior you describe is suggestive of a behavioral disorder, possibly disruptive disorder, AD/HD (attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder), maybe conduct disorder. Your child is definitely showing some signs of disruptive disorders, and that may lead to even more serious problems as she grows up, if left untreated. I cannot give you specific instructions, let alone treatment, via the Internet, but I can give you some information and hope that it will point you in the right direction. Treatments exist, including medicines such as carbamazepine, valproic acid, and lithium, and also psychotherapy and family therapy.

I don’t know for sure what your friend meant by the rare brain disorder, but if she meant “narcissistisism”, it is a personality trait, sometimes even disorder, but not a rare brain disorder, and it does not explain your daughter’s behavior, and is not helpful in trying to find a way to deal with it.

First, I recommend you read the following web page to get you started in understanding AD/HD and disruptive disorders. See if you recognize signs which fit your daughter’s behavior.
Conduct disorder
Disruptive disorders
Oppositional defiant disorder
Conduct disorder

The National Institutes of Health are running several clinical trials for which your daughter may be eligible. Participating in a clinical trial guarantees free consultations by top professionals. I do not endorse any of these clinical trials, nor do I know whether they are beneficial to the participant, but I want to inform you of the possibility. If you want to know more about them, please contact NIH directly. The e-mail address is:
prpl@mail.cc.nih.gov

Next, here are some local phone numbers you can contact to get help:
CHADD Group
PO Box 3874
Silverdale, WA 98383-
Phone Number: (360) 697-3922
Local support group of Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD).

NAMI Washington State
PO Box 46220
Seattle, WA 98146-0220
Phone Number: (800) 877-2649
Secondary Phone Number: (360) 491-5715
NAMI Washington State is a support and advocacy organization.

Washington State Office Of Children with Special Health Care Needs
Office of Maternal & Child Health Department of Health New Market Industrial Bldg., 10 P.O. Box 47835
Olympia, WA 98504-7835
Phone Number: (360) 236-3571

Also, contact Dr T in Shelton and ask about a referral.

Some nationwide organizations provide information and helplines:

NAMI The Nation’s Voice on Mental Illness
Colonial Place Three
2107 Wilson Blvd., Suite 300
Arlington, VA 22201-3042
Helpline: (800) 950-NAMI (6264)

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
3615 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20016-3007
voice: 202-966-7300
fax: 202-966-2891
National Mental Health Services Knowledge Exchange Network
Refers callers to many mental health organizations nationwide.
CALL: 1-800-789-2647

National Mental Health Association
Provides free information on over 200 mental health topics including bipolar disorder, depression, bereavement, post-traumatic stress disorder, and warning signs of mental illness. Referrals to local mental health services. Distributes free national directory of local mental health associations, and offers low-cost materials. Advocates removing stigma of mental illness and for mental health benefits parity.
CALL: 1-800-969-6642
TDD: 1-800-433-5959 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)

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